Many of us struggle to find words of comfort for a grieving friend. Most people are not comfortable around hurting individuals. Especially in tragic circumstances, there is an awkwardness that possesses everyone who encounters the bereaved. People walk on egg shells around them.

After the death of his wife, C.S Lewis describes, in A Grief Observed how he experienced this.

He writes,

"An odd byproduct of my loss is that I am aware of being
an embarrassment to everyone I meet. At work, at the club,
in the street, I see people as them approach me trying
to make up their minds whether they'll
'say something about it' or not."

There is a fine line between being comfortable around grief and not trivializing the pain of the bereaved. Grieving individuals sometimes wish that their friends and family would not feel awkward around them. At the same time, it is also baffling how many people are careless with their words.

Ask the Right Questions to Encourage Dialogue

Ask non-invasive and open-ended questions, such as:

• "How are you coping today?"
• "Do you want to talk about..."
• "Do you need to vent any feelings?"

It is also safe to say:

• "I am so sorry for your loss."
• "It is OK to cry."
• "I'll be right here, if you need a listening ear."
• "Could I help you..."

Share a Memory to Comfort a Grieving Friend

Some of the best words of comfort are simple stories and statements that help the bereaved remember their loved one.

• I remember when...
• My favorite thing about (Jim) was...
• I'll never forget the way (Carol) helped me...
• It seems like just yesterday (Trent) was...
• When I first met (Tom) he....

Why a Solution Will Not Fix Anything

Advice and solutions are not words of comfort. Infact, they can be very hurtful. Pat answers and phrases such as, "It was for the best" or "Time will heal all wounds" are not comforting. Saying these statements trivializes the pain and grief a person is experiencing. Offer words of comfort that validate the mourner's feelings.

There is not much you can say to make a grieving person feel better. Instead listen and focus on understanding, as opposed to problem solving. Your goal is not to take away the grief, but to share the burden.

Your Most Valuable Skill as a Friend

More than any other thing you do to help a grieving friend, the most important thing is to listen. Be somebody that they can talk to and vent to. Allow them to share their frustration and anger. Provide a shoulder to cry on. Simply being present can bring comfort and security.

The Best Way to Comfort the Bereaved

Offering words of comfort is about encouraging the grieving process instead of minimizing pain.

One of the most important things you can do is to be available to share grief and to share memories. You can inspire hope by helping a friend express how they are feeling and by helping to find special ways of remembrance.

More Great Ways to Comfort the Bereaved

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