From the perspective of a widower, these poems are for men who are grieving the loss of a wife. Losing a spouse may be the hardest kind of loss. When one spouse dies, in many respects, the other one dies as well. A widower may suffer a lack of identity, depression and severe loneliness.

The right kind of support from friends and family is necessary in a dark season such as this. One of these poems may express exactly how he is feeling and promote healing.

Love Lingers
by Richard Fife

Love lingers. Her perfume
I smell all around me. Her voice
I hear soothingly in my dreams
where she still lives. Her touch
awakens my skin and my soul.
Her smile is etched in my mind
where it warms my heart. Her pain
speaks to me of her courage, the
strength of her last days. Her
gentleness is reflected in those
who gave her care. She vanishes.
And I am overwhelmed with grief.
But her love lingers
and gives me strength.

The Bride By D.H. Lawrence

My love looks like a girl to-night,
But she is old.
The plaits that lie along her pillow
Are not gold,
But threaded with filigree,
And uncanny cold.
She looks like a young maiden, since her brow
Is smooth and fair,
Her cheeks are very smooth, her eyes are closed,
She sleeps a rare
Still winsome sleep, so still, and so composed.

Nay, but she sleeps like a bride, and dreams her dreams
Of perfect things.
She lies at last, the darling, in the shape of her dream,
And her dead mouth sings
By its shape, like the thrushes in clear evenings.

The House is Empty Now By Reverend William E. Gramley

The house is empty now, and so am I.
The silence is all around me
and penetrates my every step.
If I listen to music, it pierces my soul
and brings up tears on its way out.
I see her picture on several walls,
giving a momentary glow
to days gone by, filling those rooms
with love’s reflections, as I pass through.
I go out and return, but the routine and the voices
beyond this place cannot come back with me.
I am stripped and searched at the door,
humbled as I lean upon the entrance way.
I may only take the emptiness in.
That doesn’t seem necessary,
since it abides here anyway.

Online Support for Widowers

Sometimes it is easier to talk about how we feel to people who do not know us.

I was just visiting the online support group for widows and widowers at Daily Strength. In the recent discussions a man wrote: "How can I even begin to move forward, when I can't even find the courage to move her shampoo bottles from the ledge in the shower? I am lost in my own home. Everything is uncomfortable."

Ten responses sharing similiar experiences and understanding follow the post. This is a very healing way to express grief and to have your feelings validated by others who can relate.

If you know a man who would benefit from this forum, please recommend Dailystrength.com to him.

Another great resource that I highly recommend is The Light Beyond website. In addition to a forum this site also contains many other resources for the bereaved including books and an inspirational movie.

Ways to Help a Man Grieving the Loss of His Wife

If you know a man who has just lost his wife, here are some ways you can help him.

• Listen to him and encourage him to share his feelings.
• Let him know that his feelings are OK, whether they are anger, guilt or sorrow.
• Be comfortable expressing emotion and let him be comfortable to express his emotions.
• Don't be uncomfortable around tears.
• Don't be afraid to mention her name.
• Remember, it may be healing for him to talk about his wife.
• Offer practical help such as grocery shopping, laundry washed, bringing over dinner or yardwork.

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