For parents who are grieving the loss of a child, there are no words to relieve the tremendous heartache and pain they feel. To make matters worse, bereaved parents may be avoided by friends and acquiantances who do not know what to do or say.

It can be overwhelming to try to offer words of comfort to moms and dads after the death of a child. However this is a time when they desperately need the support of friends and family.

You can help grieving parents in many ways. Here are some suggestions of things to say:

• "I'm sad for you."
• "I'm here to listen."
• "Take all the time you need."
• "I can't imagine how painful this must be for you."
• "How can I help?"
• "Let's spend some time together."
• "It's okay to be sad or angry around me."
• "Tell me more about your child."
• "I'm thinking about you."

One of the hardest things about the death of a child is trying to figure out a reason for it. It just doesn't make sense, parents should not outlive their children. With any death, the key to offering words of sympathy is to not give explanations or solutions for grief.

Avoid these statements:

• "God needed her more than we did."
• "At least you have other children."
• "It was God's will."
• "Your child is in a better place now."
• "I know just how you feel."

Don't avoid parents grieving the loss of a child. It is okay that you cannot make it better or take away their pain. Remember that it is simple gestures and words that mean so much to the grieving.

Ways to Help Grieving Parents Cope With the Loss of a Child

Be a friend who acknowledges the loss and is willing to talk about it or rather listen to them talk about their feelings and memories.

Realize that the family is under immense emotional strain. Any practical help you can provide with household chores, meals or childcare will be greatly appreciated. Parents need a chance to put life on hold and grieve.

Help them create ways of remembrance and rituals to commemorate the child's life.

Here are some things you can suggest or do with them:

• Make a memory box for parents to keep momentos and pictures of their child.
• Plant a tree or flower in memory of the child.
• Bake cupcakes together on the child's birthday and take them to a children's hospital.
• Make a teddy bear or stuffed toy with pieces of fabric from the child's clothing.

You may want to encourage them to join with hundreds of other bereaved parents for the Worldwide Candle Lighting. It is held Sunday December 14th, 2008 at 7 pm local time around the globe. This is believed to be the largest mass candle lighting in the world.

Releasing Butterflies

Print a butterfly sympathy poem and purchase a butterfly for a friend. Have them release the butterfly into the sky to symbolize releasing their child into God's hands.

Butterfly Poems for the Loss of a Child

A butterfly lights beside us like a sunbeam
And for a brief moment its glory
and beauty belong to our world
But then it flies again
And though we wish it could have stayed...
We feel lucky to have seen it.
Author Unknown

Butterfly
As you danced in the light with joy,
love lifted you. As you brushed against
this world so gently, you lifted us.
T.C. Ring

Loss of Child Sympathy Ideas

Give jewelry with the child's birthstone or memorial jewelry. My Forever Child has a wonderful line of remembrance jewelry and memorial keepsakes.

Send care packages or gift baskets that help the grieving family. Keep in mind the needs of all family members. If there are other children grieving the loss of their brother or sister, see my list of gift ideas for grieving children.

Help provide meals for a week or two. If you don't have time to make home-cooked meals you could order gourmet dinners from Send-a-meal.com or you could send a sympathy food gift basket.

The Compassionate Friends is a wonderful organization dedicated to helping bereaved parents. They have a weekly web-radio series for parents addressing issues dealing with the death of a child. Listeners can call in for advice from specialists in the field, this is a great resource to recommend.

Child Bereavement Poetry

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