Are You a Good Listener?

A good friend is also a good listener. Everybody wants to be heard and understood. Unfortunately, for people who are suffering a loss, friends with advice are more common. Being a good listener to a grieving friend, is a simple gesture that means more than words can say.

Test Your Listening Skills

Take this quiz to see how you rate as a listener. Begin by thinking of the last few serious conversations you've had with a friend or spouse, and do your best to answer these questions honestly.

When a friend is sharing about a problem they are having I stop what I am doing and give them my full attention.
A)Usually B)Sometimes C)Rarely

I turn off my cell phone and limit distractions while a friend is speaking to me.
A)Usually B)Sometimes C)Rarely

I make eye contact and completely face someone while they are talking to me.
A)Usually B)Sometimes C)Rarely

I wait until the other person is finished speaking before I speak, even if I already know what they are about to say.
A)Usually B)Sometimes C)Rarely

I watch facial expressions and body language for clues as to what the speaker is feeling and thinking.
A)Usually B)Sometimes C)Rarely

I carefully consider what I am about to say before speaking.
A)Usually B)Sometimes C)Rarely

I wait to fully understand the message before I begin to formulate my response.
A)Usually B)Sometimes C)Rarely

I rephrase what was said in order to be sure I understood correctly what was said.
A)Usually B)Sometimes C)Rarely

The Results Say...

Mostly A's

You are an empathetic listener. You are usually an excellent person to talk to and to confide in. Your friends probably really enjoy sharing their hearts with you and sharing their problems! Share this skill with others, not only to be a comfort to hurting friends, but to show others how they can listen more effectively. We learn empathetic listening best by seeing it modeled. Thanks for being a good example.

Mostly B's

Like most of us, you could use some improvement in the listening department. You're a fairly good listener in dire situations, but unless it is a really urgent matter, you've got better things to do. You've underestimated the importance of being a good listener and your personal relationships may suffer. Follow the tips below to become a more effective listener. Your friends and family will notice and appreciate the improvement.

Mostly C's

You could really use some improvement in the listening department. When you are listening to a friend, you think about how what they are saying affects you. You reherse your response while you could be listening. You are more excited about what you are about to say than what you could be discovering about the speaker. Probably one of the most important things you will ever do for your personal relationships is to tackle this problem. The quiz should have been an eye opener for you. Here are some more secrets to effective listening.

Tips for Empathetic Listening

  • Limit distractions and give your complete attention to a friend who is sharing their feelings.
  • Add a pause after the speaker finishes speaking and before you say something. This will keep you from interupting and more importantly it tends to encourage the speaker to feel be comfortable sharing.
  • Keep the conversation focused on the speaker. You should not share your opinions, advice or stories, no matter how well they pertain to the situation.
  • Watch for clues as to how the speaker is feeling and what they are trying to communicate by noticing body language and facial expressions.
  • Briefly summarize what is being communicated to show that you understand and also to make sure you have heard correctly.

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